I cannot remember the last time I had this much control over my time and energy…

I have taken to running, running a lot. It seems as if spring has come early to the Black Forest and I can’t help but enjoy it. Last Monday I ran out of necessity. Bored and lonely on my day off I could not stand to be in my room all day. I continued to run every day this week because of the way it makes me feel  - the pain, lack of breath, creation, sweat, exhaustion, everything makes me feel alive again. As I was running on Wednesday I could not help but think to myself, when was the last time I have had this much freedom? The things that I dreaded so much: loneliness, being removed from my family, my fellowship, my friends, have become the very things I delight in. I cannot remember the last time I did not have “one more thing” to do, or another friend to have coffee with, or a meeting that I could not forget about, or an email to write, or an application to fill out. Maybe it is the fact that I run every day through a new trail in the Black Forest, or the spring weather , or being here almost a month, I am not quite sure, but I feel so completely and utterly free. I am my own person here - no one to check in with, no one to report to, and nowhere to be. 

The UVA atmosphere had drained me for so long that at first I didn’t know what to do with myself, but now I realize how rare and unique this time is. It is gift from God who knows my heart better than my limited imagination could have predicted. It came at exactly the right time and I am learning so much. At first I regretted not doing a program through UVA or another university, but it is so evident in everything that goes on day after day that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even if it is just me. 

Every day presents challenges. Today my sister turns 19 years old (HAPPY BIRTHDAY,EMILY!) and my entire family has connected in Washington D.C. – something that happens maybe four times a year (skyping into breakfast with them put me on the verge of tears for an hour following the conversation). I still worry about the excessive length of time I chose to be abroad for. I still miss people a ton. Yet, I know this is right and this is where I supposed to be. So many people crave the freedom that I get to enjoy. So I WILL enjoy it.

*I took my camera on my run with me. The pictures should be on facebook soon!