Thank you Sarah Tisdale...

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; 

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. 

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . 

And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. 

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate 

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? 

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, 

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, 

We need but to ask, and we shall receive. 

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, 

As my Master replied again, "Wait." 

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, 

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . 

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. 

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. 

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. 

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. 

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. 

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though my answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Maybe I am not as couraegous as everyone else...

because I cannot say that being abroad is the coolest experience ever and so much fun and everything is so great and blah blah blah blah. Or maybe I have more courage because I can be vulnerable and honestly say I have never encountered a harder experience in my life? Maybe it is because I am here by myself? Or maybe because of the program I chose? Whatever the reason, all I know is that today was one of those let me count down my days type thing....

Sorry for the overwhelming depressing start to a blog post, but in all honest this week has been a huge challenge for me. There is just a lot going on with my housing and just still being uncomfortable and not knowing people. I have no doubt that it will get better and I will make friends and once I start my classes (Monday) and dance lessons (Monday) everything will fall into place, but I just don't know why people don't say more often how so very hard it is to do this.

Journey number dos... I mean zwei.

So I finished up the most excellent of family vacations with my grandparents on Friday and it was wonderful, really wonderful. Went to Muenchen, Baden-Baden (so good they named it twice), Heidelberg, and then they flew out of Frankfurt last week. We went to a spa, castle, gardens, and just saw so much and had such a wonderful time. (Pictures from the entire trip!)

After leaving them in Frankfurt, I caught a train to go to Jena where I will spend my last three and a half months here. I apologize for the following thoughts. I am still not quite sure where my heart is or how I am feeling about everything yet. I feel like I still can't coherently express what I am thinking so maybe I'll just bullet point my thoughts for you. GET READY!

• Despite my 10 day Deutsche Pause my German is better than ever and I am pleasantly surprised with how much I speak and understand. Oh yeah, I dream now almost every  night in German.
• I am really overwhelmed
• I cried a lot the first weekend
• Not quite sure if I will have friends yet.
• My roommates are Hungarian and Russian
• "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
• I am convinced of God's faithfulness and goodness to me, but I just am super worried about what this experience is going to look like
• I live in the former DDR and yes have seen Stasi cameras on the sides of buildings and my Wohnheim is straight out of socialist 1980s.
• God is still so good at loving me. I was miserable Saturday and all of a sudden get a phone call from Megan Frook (a super good friend from my Bible study at UVA who happens to be in Berlin) and she said "Hi Amy! Can I come see you tomorrow?" The day together was beautiful.
• I don't think I am ever going to get over how much I miss UVA.
• I start classes next week and am doing a program that takes you through Literature classes, speaking classes, Business classes, all as German as a Foreign Language or as someone teaching German as a foreign language (convenient, since I am both of those things)
• Overwhelmed, anxious, lonely. Satisfied with Jesus, aware of His work, seeing His presence. These are the two dichotomies that are pulling at me right now.
• "I am convinced that it is only when you move, when you travel, that you find yourself." - Azouz Begag
• I signed up for dance lessons.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't helpful, but I think that is a pretty accurate description of my head and heart right now, and I would rather not bore my blog readers a plain entry about my life. The only way I know how to describe what is going on is just by the thoughts (aka those above) that run through my head every hour or so.

I am reminded of my first couple weeks in Koenigsfeld and know that once a routine is established and I meet people the time will fly and all will be well. I anxiously await this day and hold fast to His promise and security.

Neuschwanstein, Garmisch, St. Anton

My grandparents and brother arrived here this week and we have been going going going. I’ll start with Neuschwanstein.

Beautiful, majestic, fairy tale-like (literally, ever wonder where Walt Disney’s castle in Sleeping Beauty and Disney World came from?). It is located in Bavaria high above the Alps, built by a King (Ludwig II to be exact) who was obsessed with drama and “diagnosed” as medically insane. This was the first place I took my family. It is one of Germany’s treasures. We toured the castle on a beautiful sunny Spring day. I imagined I was a princess the entire time. I mean, they are still monarch’s around, not unrealistic.

Garmisch.

The home of the 1936 Winter Olympics and a candidate city (well Munich is, but the ski stuff would happen here) for the 2018 Winter Olympics. It is home to the Zugspitze, Germany’s highest mountain peak (2962 meters).

“Come, let us go to the mountain of the Lord…” (Micah 4:2). So if this passage were not talking about Mount Zion it would be talking about the Zugspitze (or quite possibly Ligonier Camp and Conference Center). We ascended about 2000 meters and dropped 40 degrees in a ten minute cable car and arrived at a 360 degree view of the German, Austrian, and Swiss Alps. I will never be able to describe in detail the beauty saw and seeing my pictures won’t even give you a glimpse.

“The heavens declare the glory of the God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour fourth speech; night after night they display knowledge, They have no speech, they use no words, yet, their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to ends of the world.”  (Psalm 19:1-4) I have been out west and to Canada and seen mountains, but I have never seen such beauty in my life. We had clear blue skies and amazing visibility. We ate at a restaurant at top with panorama view. Like, I want to keep writing about it, because I want you, my dear reader, to see it to, but no words (especially of mine) could ever do it justice.

However, one of the best part s of the day came afterwards as my grandparents and I sat drinking wine in the sunny valley staring up at the beauty from below and they talked and I listened. And they talked about everything and shared so much about their life. We should listen more.

St. Anton, Austria

I purposely left Thursday blank. I wanted to see what my grandparents and brother wanted to do before we head to my resort on Friday night. Andy is a huge skier and has skied everywhere. Apparently when he was in 8^th grade he saw a special in a magazine about St. Anton, Austria, one of the top ski resorts in the world. Well lucky for him it was about two hours away. Today my brother and I spent some good quality time skiing one of the world’s most amazing mountains in beautiful spring weather.

My first ski trip outside of the east coast should most definitely NOT have been St. Anton. I have skied forever, but was in no way prepared for the beauty and difficulty of today. (Nor did Andy and I have the proper equipment – total Gaper look, na ja). I am no where good enough to enjoy or appreciate the opportunity I had today, but it was still amazing. I only crashed twice (and well the one time I wasn’t actually moving…), I got sunburned, and I saw the most insane views slash got to partake in the creation.

I feel like my life is a fairy tale? From St. Anton we headed back to Germany and are currently settled in wine country in a small village off the Bodensee (Germany’s largest lake).

A quick little note...

I just wanted to share some more business-y related activity. Today I leave my internship after two months here (CRAZY) to meet my brother in Munich. Tomorrow my grandparents are coming and then it is off for ten days of exploring Europe. I'll end my trip in Jena and begin part two of this crazy abroad experience. (I will probably not be super great at responding to emails...)

My address here is no longer good, but once I get my new one I will post it here.

Also, here are two links for photo albums I have posted. I hope you enjoy them!

Photos from Bryan's visit!

Photos from my internship!

They are public links, so don't worry about not having a facebook.

I am sorry March has been a quieter blogging month... In total I am doing 17 days of travel in this month. Once April hits I'll be back with full force. Many thanks to all those who read this :)

It is well, with my soul.

I have started writing this post, deleted and then started again about three times. Trying to capture and write down what is going on in my mind and heart as I finish up my internship, get ready to travel with my grandparents and brother, and start over in a new city at a university is apparently impossible for me. Lots of thoughts, lessons, and refelctions that are seemingly too hard to get out.

So I will leave you with this. Yesterday evening Bryan sent the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns to me in an email telling me about church that morning.

I love how God uses him. These words are exactly what I cannot express.

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

Frankfurt.

This past week I had the most excellent of weeks. Mr. Bryan Layman came all the way from America to visit for Spring Break and it was a wonderful six days. We met in Frankfurt and stayed in that area for the whole week. Frankfurt is the largest financial center in Europe after London. There is a stark contrast between the huge skyliners of downtown and the Roemer Platz where the Rathaus is located in the Altstadt. I wish I could have taken him to Koenigsfeld, but it was just too pricey.

Our trip included:
-going to a zoo and laughing at the monkeys for a good 30 minutes
-climbing to the top of a cathedral
-watchings a parade for Mardi Gras (Fasching here). You should ask Bryan to do his German parade impression.
-visiting a castle
-drinking 8 dollar water and various other over priced drinks (including awful Apfelwein - which apparently Frankfurt is known for?)
-seeing Goethe's house (couldn't help myself. I actually saw the table at which Faust was written!)
-going to a Bundesliga Frankfurt soccer game
-sitting by rivers and talking about everything we haven't been able to talk about
-and many other boring things that probably aren't as interesting

I wasn't quite sure what to expect leaving Bryan again... Many friends had advised me not have a visitor till after my half way point because it can be pretty hard to watch them leave and stay behind. But, it was so much easier than expected. Don't get me wrong, I miss him and my friends and family so much. I couldn't help but think at this point most students are half way done with their study abroad experience and here I have been here for almost two months and haven't even started school yet. However, I am so at peace about being here. On the train back to Koenigsfeld I had the chance to think and reflect about my time spent here. As hard as it is to be on my own, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world.

I am realizing what it is to have God meet my every need. One thing that I have learned from my relationship with Bryan and different friendships is that when you go to another person or thing to meet your needs you will be endlessly disappointed in them and your relationship. Satisfaction just won't happen. So often we think "If I could just get that one grade, or date that one person, or get that one job, then life will be good."

Why?

Being alone in a foreign country is driving this point home. My friends aren't a phone call away, my mom isn't just one state over to fix my problems, fellowship is essentially nonexistent (I am hoping that will change once I get to my university). I am removed from it all; yet, at the same time, my heart is more full and satisfied than it has been in ages.

I am in a really good place right now, which is necessary because this week is one of transition for me. Next week is my last week at my internship. On the 21st, I travel to Munich to meet up with my brother and grandparents for a good week or so of vacationing, then it is off to school. I can't wait to see God's goodness flow out into another city and another part of this semester.

So much goodness, so much to be thankful for.